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Closet Chaos (Not What You Think)

Things are happening. My nerves are on overload. My mind is spinning a thousand miles an hour. My heart is overflowing. I'm sitting at the computer searching for some calm to my chaos.

Anyone looking at me right now would not characterize my current state as "chaotic." But inside my heart & mind...chaos is in overdrive.

For the most part, all of the things sending my nerves and brain cells into overdrive are good things. So, don't be alarmed that there's something wrong. There's really not. I mean, there's always some struggles in the midst of life. But I don't think it's those things that are causing these feelings.

I think my chaos has ensued this time just because of change. Unknowns. Variables. And I'm not talking the kinds of unknown variables that can be solved with a math problem. You know, the kind with one right answer. That's the only type of unknown variables I am a fan of. Math problems have ONE right answer. If you know how to solve the particular problem, then you should get it right. It's all very cut and dried. I like that. Life's variables are, well...confusing. Full of lots of grey.

I'm not here saying that I'm frustrated because life is full of unknowns. That's obvious. It's expected. I'm just walking through a moment where it seems like there are more unknowns than certainties. Multiple areas of my life are being stretched. Challenged. Changed. Again, not necessarily a bad thing. But do you know me? Have you figured out yet that I'm a really big fan of my "comfort zone"? Uh yep. BIG fan of that. But God isn't such a fan.

That love for my comfort zone has certainly kept me stuck in many a rut over the course of my 39 years.  Now again, I'm not trying to say that this has proven to be a good thing in my life. Actually, I think over the course of the last several months I've been asking God to help me achieve success in some specific areas. Well, guess what...He's answering my prayers. He's shaking my world. Breaking down the walls of my comfort zone. Bringing me into some uncharted territory.

My comfort zone is being shaken by its very core. From every angle. My heart is being broken for the hurting. My "plans" are being tipped upside down and changed at the last minute. God is doing a big work in me! I know I was put on this earth to be used by Him to help others. Exactly how and when and where is still being figured out. But He's definitely up to something good. I hope all along the path to wherever He's taking me, I keep my eye on the goal and don't lose sight of my everyday opportunities.

Philippians 1:6 ~ ...that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:14 ~  I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

As I sort through all the different things going on right now, I'm trying to pray like I've never prayed before. In fact, God is definitely teaching me a lot about prayer lately. That might have to be a future post. I'm praying. Searching His Word. Trying to be a good listener. And praying some more. Little by little, He's sending some answers and giving me peace on specific things.

So as the kids and I are drawing to a close of our 2nd year of homeschooling, God is giving me direction for what He wants me busy with this summer. I covet your prayers as I continue to work through all of this and wait to hear His direction. Oh, and if you have a specific prayer request that you'd like me to pray about, please e-mail it to me at maranka@sbcglobal.net. I know that there are many hurting people out there. People who, like me, might not look like anything is going on by looking at them. But deep inside, they are hurting. Or searching. Or just stuck in a rut. If that's you, I would be honored to pray for you.

Wishing you all a wonderful last week of May! Blessings friends...

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