Skip to main content

Getting Back On Track

Haven't written a post since November, and I'm kind of chuckling to myself as I read what that post was about. It was ALL about handling "busy." So how'd I do??

FAIL!

This past school year was a real struggle for me. It was one of those years where I constantly questioned whether ANYTHING I was doing was right. Every aspect of my life felt out. of. control.

Due to the level of busy and my introverted self never getting time to re-charge - my emotional eating kicked back into HIGH gear. My desire to exercise and eat right went out the window. And now, here I am. Trying to let go of the shame and the guilt and the depression and trying to get my health journey back on track. And so...I must write.

Weight Loss is ALL in Your Head

Yes, you read that right. I'm here to tell you with 100% confidence - you'll never lose weight if you don't have your head on straight. Never.

Now, of course, the WAY in which we choose to lose weight is important. And, I'm all about choosing the healthy way. It's how I lost 60 pounds four years ago. I know my tools are healthy and I know they work. But when my head isn't on straight, my weight loss tools really don't matter. Why? Because I will self-sabotage myself. Every day. Self-sabotage is what us emotional eaters are experts at. And, I am THE best at it. :-/

Now what?!

The realization that I'm stuck in the pit of self-sabotage is all fine and dandy, but now what?!

Well, I'm not saying I'm doing this well at the moment, but my history of winning this battle means I do know what I must do. So here's my list (and my reminder to myself, most of all):


  • Shower myself in grace. This is seriously hard to do. Perhaps you're not someone who has every struggled in this area - but if you're a woman, I'm guessing you have at some point. I can NOT un-do my past mistakes. They're done. Over. All I can do is to pick myself up, dust myself off, and get back on the right track. No looking back. No guilt trips. Just making better decisions going forward. 
  • Recognize that the voice in my head is the devil. OK, I'm not saying my inner voice is always the enemy. But when my inner voice is lying to me and condemning me and showering me with shame - that's from the enemy. Romans 8:1 tells us "So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus." This is how I know that negative voice isn't from the Lord. He isn't condemning me. He's not banging me on the head with all my past mistakes or all the ways in which I screwed up to have gotten back to this place on the scale. Nope.  That negative voice that I keep falling for - that's the enemy. And every time I give in to those lies - I'm doing the devil's work for him. It's time to STOP it!
  • Choose TRUTH! When you're in the pit of self-sabotage, it's so hard to even distinguish what the truth is. Until I can right this ship and get going in a positive direction again, I literally have to take EVERY thought captive. 2 Corinthians 10:5 ~ "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." That also entails taking quiet time every morning to pray and re-direct that day's goals. Bad habits are easy to make...and good habits are easy to forget. I haven't gotten to this place because I've been following good habits. So, to re-create a good habit it is going to take some VERY purposeful and consistent effort. For at least three weeks straight. Until this good habit has been re-created, it takes work. Hard work. Questioning every thought. Praying over every food choice. Staying right by God's side and CONSTANTLY asking Him for His help to make the next best choice.
Honestly, we're all human. We make mistakes. We struggle with something. But when your struggle is related to your weight, it seems to add a whole other layer of condemnation. Others can see me. They know I've gained back weight I worked so hard to lose. My personal failure is public every single time I step out of my house. And that's why it's so hard. But guess what - that just shows I struggle with pride. And God detests pride. Check out this verse: Proverbs 11:2 ~ "When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom." Wow. 

So, this summer my #1 goal is to re-claim my positive self-talk. To let go of all the junk I just shared...and to choose grace. To choose freedom. To choose to hear God's voice every day. 

This is hard stuff, folks. And, for me, life-long struggles. Praise the Lord that He's not done with me yet. 



Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Luke's Road to Playing College Ball

I've wanted to post all the details of Luke's basketball recruitment (mostly so I don't forget) - but I've been hesitant to say too much out loud for fear of jinxing it or something. 😊 However, now that we're a full year into his official D1/D2 recruitment period, I feel like I want to share the journey because it's full of #OnlyGod moments. It's long. But it's a fun story - I promise.

Before June 15th, 2017 (the first day D1/D2 coaches could officially reach out to him), the true start of his basketball journey was when he started AAU his 8th grade year. We had NO idea then where this whole thing would take him. He had been playing since he was 8, and we knew he had lots of talent. But here's how this whole thing really started...

I found out about 8th grade tryouts for ACB (an AAU team that doesn't exist anymore) in the fall of 2014. We had heard that playing AAU (travel ball) was a must and that it was best to get him started in the AAU circ…

"Not today, Satan. Not today!"

Interesting that I haven't posted in here in over a year and (sadly) I am still dealing with much of the same struggles. I would say I have gotten a lot further in the grief process, which is great. But still have a lot of days where depression & anxiety keep me from truly enjoying life. I hope that a year from now, I will be posting about how I've overcome in this area too. But for now, let me share some thoughts...

The Enemy Is Sneaky

I have some time alone today (which doesn't happen much), so my mind has time to process things more clearly. I have been praying recently for God to - once again - help me with my self-talk. When I was having weight loss success in 2011, my self-talk was amazing. I didn't tolerate condemnation.  Or guilt. Or self-hatred. I was all about grace and love and encouragement to myself. Just like the weight has all come back on, so has my horrible self-talk. And it's kind of shocking when you realize just how off-track you've gotte…

Saying Goodbye

Life is rather surreal right now. Hard to believe this moment is actually here: my Dad is dying.

Even though his quality of life has been diminishing over the last year or so, it's still hard to grasp that we're actually in this place. Hospice care. Hospital bed in my parents' living room. Trying to figure out how to let him go. Just 10 days ago he was still walking to the bathroom. Eating. Taking his breathing treatments. Taking all his meds. Interacting with life.  Living the best version of his 85-year-old self. And seemingly overnight - things changed. It's like he just got tired of it all. He just didn't have the energy to do this one. more. year.

When Mom and I walked into his hospital room on December 4th - he was angry. Agitated. "Done with this." And so, since then, we've been learning how to say Goodbye. Learning how to give him the best quality of life at home that he can have in the time he has left. Learning how to let him go. Husband of …