I'm having one of those unsettled kind of days. Supposedly nothing is really much different today than yesterday, but my "chi" sure has changed! All day today I've been a bundle of nerves and my mind has been infiltrated with thoughts. Not that thinking is the problem, but the thoughts that are filling my head are full of: condemnation, self-loathing, fear, worry, etc. I've been praying a lot today, in God's Word today, and asking for peace to replace the stress. But here it is almost 5PM and my anxiety level is still high. I'm definitely feeling attacked!
I shouldn't be surprised. I mean, really, I should almost laugh at the enemy's pitiful attempts to get me off track. Then again, how pitiful are they if I've succumbed to them once again? But the enemy's timing is of no surprise. Yesterday was a really good day. So it only stands to reason that today he'd be trying to knock the wind out of yesterday's sails. Why, oh why, have I fallen for this again?!
How do you react when you're feeling like this? I retreat. Or at least I try to...as much as any busy homeschooling mom of 3 can. I'm not answering the phone today (unless it's Dave or my Mom, in which case I am). I'm trying to distract myself from thinking too much too (which is hard for an introspective, deep-thinker like myself). Why do I have to distract myself from thinking too much? Because my negative self-talk is a majority of my problem. Honestly. If someone else talked to me the way I do, I'd never socialize with them again. That's kind of a problem when I can't get away from me.
So here I am trying to process these feelings and sort them out into something that makes sense. Something that I can overcome. Put to a plan. Aha! Maybe that's my problem? As much as I say I'm asking for God's help and wanting to change, the fact is I'm still holding onto it (or I wouldn't be a big bundle of nerves right now). I'm wanting God to tell me what to do so I can do it (not so that I can let God do it all). I'm wanting to be in control somehow. But God is asking me to give it all to Him. Whenever I catch these negative thoughts coming into my head, I should hand them over to God and praise Him for who He is. Praise Him for loving me. Praise Him for His faithfulness and goodness and gentleness and mercy. Take my attention off of me and my supposed "problems" and turn them onto God and all of His wonderful promises.
Maybe the light bulb just went on after all. The whole "Let go and let God" saying has always seemed so cliche. Well, maybe that's because I wasn't fully letting go. Hmmm...
I shouldn't be surprised. I mean, really, I should almost laugh at the enemy's pitiful attempts to get me off track. Then again, how pitiful are they if I've succumbed to them once again? But the enemy's timing is of no surprise. Yesterday was a really good day. So it only stands to reason that today he'd be trying to knock the wind out of yesterday's sails. Why, oh why, have I fallen for this again?!
How do you react when you're feeling like this? I retreat. Or at least I try to...as much as any busy homeschooling mom of 3 can. I'm not answering the phone today (unless it's Dave or my Mom, in which case I am). I'm trying to distract myself from thinking too much too (which is hard for an introspective, deep-thinker like myself). Why do I have to distract myself from thinking too much? Because my negative self-talk is a majority of my problem. Honestly. If someone else talked to me the way I do, I'd never socialize with them again. That's kind of a problem when I can't get away from me.
So here I am trying to process these feelings and sort them out into something that makes sense. Something that I can overcome. Put to a plan. Aha! Maybe that's my problem? As much as I say I'm asking for God's help and wanting to change, the fact is I'm still holding onto it (or I wouldn't be a big bundle of nerves right now). I'm wanting God to tell me what to do so I can do it (not so that I can let God do it all). I'm wanting to be in control somehow. But God is asking me to give it all to Him. Whenever I catch these negative thoughts coming into my head, I should hand them over to God and praise Him for who He is. Praise Him for loving me. Praise Him for His faithfulness and goodness and gentleness and mercy. Take my attention off of me and my supposed "problems" and turn them onto God and all of His wonderful promises.
Maybe the light bulb just went on after all. The whole "Let go and let God" saying has always seemed so cliche. Well, maybe that's because I wasn't fully letting go. Hmmm...
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