Skip to main content

How's Your "Chi" Doing?

I'm having one of those unsettled kind of days. Supposedly nothing is really much different today than yesterday, but my "chi" sure has changed! All day today I've been a bundle of nerves and my mind has been infiltrated with thoughts. Not that thinking is the problem, but the thoughts that are filling my head are full of: condemnation, self-loathing, fear, worry, etc. I've been praying a lot today, in God's Word today, and asking for peace to replace the stress. But here it is almost 5PM and my anxiety level is still high. I'm definitely feeling attacked!

I shouldn't be surprised. I mean, really, I should almost laugh at the enemy's pitiful attempts to get me off track. Then again, how pitiful are they if I've succumbed to them once again? But the enemy's timing is of no surprise. Yesterday was a really good day. So it only stands to reason that today he'd be trying to knock the wind out of yesterday's sails. Why, oh why, have I fallen for this again?!

How do you react when you're feeling like this? I retreat. Or at least I try to...as much as any busy homeschooling mom of 3 can. I'm not answering the phone today (unless it's Dave or my Mom, in which case I am). I'm trying to distract myself from thinking too much too (which is hard for an introspective, deep-thinker like myself). Why do I have to distract myself from thinking too much? Because my negative self-talk is a majority of my problem. Honestly. If someone else talked to me the way I do, I'd never socialize with them again. That's kind of a problem when I can't get away from me.

So here I am trying to process these feelings and sort them out into something that makes sense. Something that I can overcome. Put to a plan. Aha! Maybe that's my problem? As much as I say I'm asking for God's help and wanting to change, the fact is I'm still holding onto it (or I wouldn't be a big bundle of nerves right now). I'm wanting God to tell me what to do so I can do it (not so that I can let God do it all). I'm wanting to be in control somehow. But God is asking me to give it all to Him. Whenever I catch these negative thoughts coming into my head, I should hand them over to God and praise Him for who He is. Praise Him for loving me. Praise Him for His faithfulness and goodness and gentleness and mercy. Take my attention off of me and my supposed "problems" and turn them onto God and all of His wonderful promises.

Maybe the light bulb just went on after all. The whole "Let go and let God" saying has always seemed so cliche. Well, maybe that's because I wasn't fully letting go. Hmmm...

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Saying Goodbye

Life is rather surreal right now. Hard to believe this moment is actually here: my Dad is dying. Even though his quality of life has been diminishing over the last year or so, it's still hard to grasp that we're actually in this place. Hospice care. Hospital bed in my parents' living room. Trying to figure out how to let him go. Just 10 days ago he was still walking to the bathroom. Eating. Taking his breathing treatments. Taking all his meds. Interacting with life.  Living the best version of his 85-year-old self. And seemingly overnight - things changed. It's like he just got tired of it all. He just didn't have the energy to do this one. more. year. When Mom and I walked into his hospital room on December 4th - he was angry. Agitated. "Done with this." And so, since then, we've been learning how to say Goodbye. Learning how to give him the best quality of life at home that he can have in the time he has left. Learning how to let him go. Husband ...

Mom Moments

Mom. It's the title I'm most proud of. The biggest blessing I've ever experienced. My daily prayer is that I don't screw this up. Well, not exactly, but I most certainly want to get this right! Life is fleeting. Time with these precious beings living under our roof will be gone before we want it to be. God has given us these little blessings, and therefore we have a responsibility to train them up according to His will. I do NOT recommend taking this motherhood thing lightly. God's Word has a lot to say about training up our kids and not leading them astray. Some days, the whole thing can feel pretty overwhelming! Today, I'm just enjoying my kids. Preparing to spend time in the pool as the heat index reaches 100+ this afternoon. Thinking about some fun mom moments from the past week. Wanting to just savor some of the recent blessings just a little bit longer. Here's one of my favorites: last Friday I was at the Speak Up! Conference and left the hous...

Overwhelmed with God's Love!

I'm feeling overwhelmed today. But in a good way. Blessed by how much God has been speaking to my heart lately. Overwhelmed with all He's telling me. But excited for what lies ahead. (And then back to overwhelmed for the length & difficulty of the trip.) But, yes, overwhelmed with goodness. Overwhelmed with God's blessings. His provisions. Provisions that come in all sorts of shapes and sizes: financial friends encouragement from others mental victories (a minute-by-minute struggle most days) Biblical ah-hah moments (many related to my "Made to Crave" study) laughter (oh how laughter heals my soul!) The list could go on. The Bible says that: "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." (James 1:17)  Every gift. Wow! I want to park here and really absorb the wonderful-ness of this verse. God loves us SO much, that he blesses us with gifts. Just li...