Covid Burnout

Covid Burnout is a REAL thing. I imagine many people are experiencing it right now. Dave and I are feeling it EXTRA hard lately. I am sure it has something to do with having our two oldest birdies back to college & all the unknowns and Covid mandates that has brought. Combined with all the evil going on in the world that we see plastered everywhere every single day. And the fact that the "goalpost" of the end of all this mask/shutdown BS isn't even a thing anymore. At the beginning, they kept throwing out "end dates". Now they don't even bother. I'm not sure they know what has to happen for all the BS to end. It certainly feels like we're being held hostage by our governor and other leaders who are making all these decisions. I know we're each trying to handle this whole mess in our own way. I'm just here to say that for Dave and I - we are having a rough go of it as of late. Perhaps me most of all.

I had a COMPLETE  meltdown on the phone with my Mom yesterday. I think it was just the fact that I couldn't hold it in anymore. (And also that we're still dealing with car repairs on Mikayla's car from an incident that happened a month ago, so any amount of patience I have is completely spent. Call it "the straw that broke the camel's back.") I also know my personality is extra sensitive. I mean - to the point that I get frustrated with how deeply I feel things. Like, why did God make me this way?! I wish I wasn't so empathetic and sensitive. I wish I didn't feel every little thing so intensely. Life is hard enough to get through at times, let alone when you are someone like this. And goodness knows there's a WHOLE lot of "stuff" to be taxing our emotions the last (almost) 6 months. Then the whole "social distancing, mask wearing, everything is cancelled, nothing is normal" saga has really gotten to me. I'm at a season in my life where my connections are few. My social calendar is mostly empty. And I'm feeling invisible and left out. I know the enemy is taking that and blowing it out of proportion in my mind right now. He's good at finding our weaknesses & insecurities and letting them become incapacitating mountains. Even though I know he's working overtime to keep me in a dark place (and that not everything I'm feeling is 100% accurate) - it doesn't change the fact that (at least right now) I'm struggling. Some days more than others. I'm clinging to my faith and those in my small circle who really know & love me. But the dark cloud hanging over my head is really big some days. Really, really big. 

So, I have been pondering extra hard just how I'm going to get myself into a better spot with my emotions and mental health. I just finished a Beth Moore Bible study, so I know I need to get started on another Bible study ASAP. I have had Cindy Bultema's "Live Full, Walk Free" study on my shelf for a while now. That's probably a great one to do next.

I have been trying to limit my social media use, but when you're feeling as isolated as I am right now, I actually need a little bit of it to not feel so alone. It's definitely a balance to use it to "feel connected" while not also allowing all the stuff on it to make me "feel overwhelmed by the evil". It's a balance I handle better some days than others. But this morning, I saw a post by Ann Voskamp that helped me remember how important it is to pay attention to every little blessing of every day. And it felt like God speaking the message directly to my weary soul. 

She said this: 

I knew a woman once who waited for the *perfect* day,

the ultimate raise,

the long applause,

the mountain retreat,

the magic number,

the noticed thanks,

‪the wanted‬ affirmation

that never came—

& for far too long she had no idea that it could just be:

the cotton bedsheets pulled up & made smooth in a messy room,

or even the cup of cold water tipped at her lips that slipped down like the perfect answer

or even this regular moment with her heart drumming

like a wild anthem within her,

because on any old day, even this one, it is *never too late*, all she had to do was write down these smallest slivers of grace in her everyday because:

*Gratefulness isn’t hard.

Forgetting to be grateful is what makes life hard.*

All she had to say to herself is: ‘Keep your eyes open to the gifts all around you — that you get to open if you just pay attention.’

That woman who waited far too long was me.

But the last decade of my life has had the last moments of each day spent in giving thanks, writing down the day’s gifts, & I can testify for living it:

If you aren’t noticeably grateful with what you have right now, why think you’d be noticeably joyful when you have more?

A life that is meaningful — starts with a heart that is grateful.

All the great lives start with a habit of gratefulness.

And everywhere now, you can see it— there’s light catching in the trees, glory sparking right through to the very end.

#1000gifts

Wow. I needed this reminder! If I don't work hard to focus on each day's blessings, I find it so easy to be negatively affected by all the day-to-day stuff of this 2020 world. Choosing to look for the blessings each day is always important. But, for me at least, probably never more so than right now. 

And then, THIS music video showed up in my newsfeed from some of my favorite artists:

It's lyrics: 

Thank You Lord for the small things
Like me and her on the porch swing
For summer nights and fireflies
And the sound of my old six string
Blessings, on blessings, on blessings, on blessings
If I still got breath in these lungs
And that's all I need to get down on my knees
And be thankful for all that He's done

[Chorus]
For my mama, for my friends
For Your love, it never ends
For the songs that make us dance
On this ol' dirt floor
For my babies, for my girl
For the way they changed my world
Waking up today
Yeah, I just gotta say, Thank You Lord
Yeah, I just wanna say, Thank You Lord, oh nah

Yeah
Thank You Lord for the hard times
For lighting the way in the dark times
For pulling me in, forgiving again
The times that I took it too far, I
Gotta thank You for keeping me humble
For picking me up when I stumble
And although I change, You stay the same
And I don't say thank You enough

Praise up, eyes closed
One thing I know (Ooh)
I just wanna thank You Lord, thank You Lord (Thank You Lord)
Praise up, eyes closed
One thing I know
I just wanna thank You Lord, thank You Lord

I mean. You think God is trying to help me get a new mindset today, or what?! Love how He uses even social media to speak to us. ♥

And here's what I'm thinking...

If you are struggling too, let's commit to helping each other focus on each day's gifts & sharing our daily joys with each other. Want to be part of a "Thank You, Lord" Facebook group? Where we take time each day to ONLY share (at least in this group) what we're thankful for? To celebrate the ways we are seeing God in our daily lives? I sure need this. Who's with me? Let's fill up our newsfeed with THANKS! 

If you're in...please comment below or connect with me some other way. 

Blessings, my friend.