New Year Mindset

I've always felt like I didn't quite fit in. From that girl at GCS who felt completely invisible to the way I still feel most days...my social circle has always been miniscule. But that's not the kind of not fitting in that I'm talking about. I'm talking about the idea of: "Being IN this world, but not OF it". 

For SO many reasons, 2020 made the gap even wider for me in that regard. I know without a doubt that this world is NOT my home. And I have felt less and less comfortable being a sojourner in it as the struggles of this world have become more and more contrary to all the things I hold dear. My heart's cry is more and more: "Jesus, come quickly!"

We all know the horrors of 2020. I really don't want to re-hash them or give them anymore space in my brain than what they've already stolen. 2020 was filled with all manner of disappointments from things being cancelled. All manner of fear and lies and evil. All manner of reminders of why my hope is in Christ and in Him alone. ♥

Because of 2020, I never watch the news anymore. I seriously limit the amount of time I spend on social media (even though I am still considering giving that up all together - but my tiny social circle feels slightly bigger when I can interact with others on FB or IG). I have unfollowed many people on FB who were filling my newsfeed with things that didn't bring me joy. I have spent more time praying and studying God's Word than I have in a while - and have even been blessed to be in the Word more regularly with Dave (we're both doing BSF for the first time). 

But I still feel my heart being heavy. Being full of worries of the unknowns. Being disappointed in the ways this year is shaping up to still be one that doesn't live up to my expectations. 

And that's why I'm writing this today. God's been speaking some words to me on this, and I want to put them here so I can reflect back on them someday.

I saw this on IG today: 

Stop overthinking. If it's God's will, it'll happen and nothing will stop it. If it's not, He has a better plan. Have peace in knowing that.

I know that's 100% true. And I'm SO thankful that it is. 

When nothing feels within my control - I definitely become prone to overthinking. And if I could boil down the lessons of 2020 into one thing, it would be that I learned just how little control I have over anything. And, apparently, I don't handle that well. 

I can almost hear God laughing at this "ah-hah" moment of mine. He's probably thinking, "It's about time! What took you so long?!" 

Yeah. My name is Jen. I'm a slow learner. And a control freak. 

Oy.

As I've felt the illusion of control slip out of my hands over and over and over during the last 11 months...here's what I've learned:

• We can't control what's happening, but we can 100% control our response to it. That means have a good attitude. Does it mean we can't have a moment of venting about how unhappy we are about it? Of course not! But once we have our little pity party, we have to get our heads on straight and our attitudes in the right place. Having a good attitude not only helps us get through it, but it sends a message to those watching us about just WHERE our confidence lies. 

• Remember that God's plans and timing are perfect. Our finite brains don't understand much. But God knows all. Someday when we get to heaven and He shows us all the behind-the-scenes stuff He was orchestrating that we had no clue on...we'll get it. But until then, we are pretty clueless down here. We'd be SO much better off if we'd just trust Him to work it all out.

• Work hard. Don't slack off because you don't like how things are going. Don't put your head in the sand to avoid the current realities. Take today's disappointments and unknowns as an opportunity to become a better person. Grow your spiritual life. Your physical fitness. Your hobbies. Your calling. Whatever it is. Find something positive to do and work at it with all your heart. Like Luke's life verse reminds us: Colossians 3:23 - Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.

• Honor God in our response to life's lemons. Focus on His blessings and His promises, and don't allow ourselves the opportunity to get dragged down by our circumstances. He is faithful. Never forsakes us. And He turns the lemons into gourmet lemonade every time. We'd be pretty foolish to ever doubt that He will.

I decided this morning - as I was feeling those pangs of nervousness welling up in my stomach - that I have a choice. I can choose to frame those feelings as "nervousness & worry", or I can choose to frame them as "excitement over what God's going to do." I'm choosing the latter. 

And that is my goal for 2021. Stay focused on God and excited about all He's doing. In me. Through me. Around me. He's always up to something good...and I'm going to look for it with eyes wide open. 

The battle isn't mine. It's God's.